Why Should You Forgive?

Knowing you are freely forgiven is one thing. Freely forgiving the person who hurt you is much harder. So why should you forgive, especially when they don't deserve it? Because Jesus forgave you first, because He asks it of you, and because forgiving others is how you show you actually believe you've been forgiven.

Why is forgiveness so hard?

Forgiveness is hard because everything in us, and everything around us, pulls the other way. Our culture runs on grievance and offense. Holding on to anger feels natural, even justified. Choosing to forgive means swimming against the current.

Jesus called this the narrow way. It isn't hidden. You know where it is. The trouble is actually walking it. On Beyond Sunday, Calvary's Pastor Jason McElwee admitted the tension most of us feel. We want to accept God's forgiveness and still hold on to the grievance. The only way through is to ask the Holy Spirit for help to choose forgiveness again, every single time.

How did Jesus model forgiveness on the cross?

Jesus modeled forgiveness by choosing it while He was being crucified. He didn't only accomplish salvation on the cross. He showed you how to live, even while He was dying. He had done nothing wrong. He had every right to be angry. He chose forgiveness instead.

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Luke 23:34

Those words weren't only for the crowd that day. They reach every generation still wrestling with who Jesus is. And they set the pattern for you: the hard path of forgiveness is the path Christ walked first.

It helps to see what you can and can't forgive. Jesus forgave sin against God, which only God can do. What you can forgive is sin against you. You can't forgive someone for what they did to your friend. You can forgive what they did to you.

What does the thief on the cross teach about the heart?

He shows that God looks at the heart. Two criminals hung beside Jesus. One mocked Him. The other simply asked to be remembered.

Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered him, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."

Luke 23:42 to 43

That man had no Sunday school class, no baptism, no communion. Something changed inside him, and Jesus saw it. Pastor Sean Sloan noted that the thief messes with all our formulas. We want a step one, two, three that forces God's hand, and he called that kind of thinking closer to witchcraft than faith. That doesn't mean you skip what Jesus tells you to do when you have the chance. It means the heart is where it starts.

A line from the weekend message at Calvary summed it up: we live between the two thieves, either mocking or asking to be remembered.

Why does the Lord's Prayer tie forgiveness to us?

Because forgiving others is the one thing in that prayer Jesus asks you to do. Look at the rest of it. God's name, His kingdom, His will, daily bread, leading, deliverance: all of it is about God and from God. One line depends on you.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Matthew 6:12

Then Jesus adds an explanation, as if to make sure no one missed it.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14 to 15

Throughout Scripture, faith and faithfulness can't be separated. James says to show your faith by what you do. That leads to the question at the center of the episode: if I believe I'm forgiven but I'm not forgiving, am I truly believing?

How do you actually forgive someone?

You remember how much you've been forgiven, and you lay down your right to be right. People who struggle to love others or keep holding offenses have usually forgotten how much mercy they've received. When you think you're pretty good, you expect everyone else to be good too. When you remember your own need, releasing others gets easier.

Jesus put it plainly: "Freely you have received; freely give" (Matthew 10:8).

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. You may still remember what happened. It means laying down your right to be right and your right to have things made right in this life. It means trusting God's justice, even if He chooses to show mercy to the person who hurt you. You would rather be forgiven than judged, so you can learn to want that for others too.

None of this is easy in the flesh. It takes the Holy Spirit's help, and it is a daily choice, not a one-time feeling. Like daily bread, you need God's help to forgive every day.

Common questions

Why does Jesus say God won't forgive us if we don't forgive?

In Matthew 6:14 to 15, Jesus ties your forgiveness of others to God's forgiveness of you. Faith and faithfulness go together, so refusing to forgive raises the question of whether you have truly received God's forgiveness.

Does forgiving mean forgetting what happened?

No. You may still remember what happened. Forgiveness means releasing your claim against the person and trusting God with justice, choosing not to hold the offense against them.

Can I forgive someone for hurting another person?

You can only forgive the wrong done to you. Only God can forgive sin against Him, and only the person who was hurt can forgive the wrong done to them.

How do I forgive when it still hurts?

Remember how much you've been forgiven, ask the Holy Spirit for help, and choose forgiveness again each time the hurt comes back. It is a daily choice, not a one-time feeling.

Read the blog postHope and Forgiveness: Why Jesus Prayed "Father, Forgive Them" in Luke 23Jesus is alive, and that changes how you face death and how you treat the people who hurt you. Pastor Marty Sloan explains the hope of the resurrection and the forgiveness of the cross.Read the post