Let's Talk About... Sex!

Many Christians grew up hearing almost nothing about sex except "don't." So when you marry, you may not know what God actually says about it, or how to talk about it with your spouse. The short answer: God created sex, He made it good, and He gave it to marriage on purpose. Talk about it early, honor each other's conscience, and make intimacy a priority through every season.

What does the Bible say about sex in marriage?

The Bible says God is the creator of sex, and nothing He designed is evil. People have twisted it into something dirty, scandalous, or selfish. But God made it beautiful and gave it a purpose within marriage. Marriage is the covenant between a husband and a wife, and sex belongs inside it.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Scripture speaks to this in Genesis, in Paul's letters, and throughout the Song of Solomon. On Marriage360, hosts Pastor Marty and Becky Sloan, are a pastor and a medical professional married 30 years. They recommend the book Intimacy Ignited, which walks through the Song of Solomon in modern language. They believe that when you read it, you realize God has the most creative mind about sex of anybody.

The church has often moved sex out of the sacred and into the shadows. Keeping it in a shell of secrecy and shame doesn't glorify God.

Why is talking about sex so important for couples?

Talking matters because nobody arrives in marriage with the same expectations. Many people assume intimacy will come naturally once they're married, then find out that their plan A and their spouse's plan A were very different. Communication is what closes that gap.

Becky encourages wives especially to get comfortable with the conversation early. Talking takes the sting and intimidation out of it. And it gets easier with time. Thirty years in, they are still learning to communicate, and they are far more comfortable than they were in their early years.

Parents can help the next generation here. Most parents teach only the "don't": don't fool around, don't get pregnant. Those boundaries matter. But kids also need the "do": here is what God planned, and here is why you save it for the person you'll marry for life. A basic anatomy book and age-appropriate conversations over time help children feel free to ask questions instead of learning that the topic is shameful. The enemy wants to keep things in the dark, where guilt grows.

Is everything okay in the marriage bed?

Not everything, but couples have real freedom within clear boundaries. The Bible doesn't give a detailed list of preferences, so Pastor Marty offers three questions:

• Does it violate a clear command of Scripture? Some things the Bible plainly forbids, and those are off the table.
• Does it violate either spouse's conscience? Sex should never be pressured. You can grow and rethink your views, but nobody grows under pressure.
• Does it break the law of the land? If so, the answer is no.

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Hebrews 13:4

Within those boundaries, enjoy it. Be creative, have fun, laugh, and don't take it all so seriously.

How do you keep intimacy healthy through the years?

You keep intimacy healthy by caring for the whole person, not just the physical act. Feeling loved emotionally and spiritually makes physical intimacy easier to give and receive. Bodies change over decades, so intimacy has to go deeper than appearance, into who your spouse really is.

Connection can be simple. For young moms, for example, a held hand, a compliment, or a playful word during the day keeps you connected and takes off a lot of pressure. For husbands, value the simplicity of intimacy and not only the act itself. Give your wife freedom to be affectionate without fearing that every touch has to lead to the bedroom.

And be careful how a "no" lands. Rejection hurts emotionally, not only physically. If you're not ready, say where you are, offer another way to connect, and make plans for later.

Pastor Marty puts the priority plainly: if God made sex exclusive to marriage, it should be a priority in marriage.

What if you bring brokenness into your marriage?

God can heal it, and you aren't alone: almost everyone brings some. Most people enter marriage with some brokenness, from something they saw, something done to them, or something they did. Broken people marry broken people.

Your brokenness may come across to your spouse as rejection, so talk about it. If you need help, reach out to a pastor, counselor, or therapist. The hosts taught their own sons that waiting for marriage is God's plan. They are just as clear that God forgives, heals, and gives a clean slate to anyone with a past.

What is the purpose of sex beyond having children?

Having children is one purpose, but it isn't the only one. Sex in marriage glorifies God, builds a spiritual bond, protects both spouses against temptation, and relieves stress. The medical side of the episode notes that the body releases oxytocin and endorphins during intimacy. That protection is never an excuse for a spouse to sin, but it is a gift God gave couples.

Common questions

What does the Bible say about sex in marriage?

God created sex as a good gift for marriage between a husband and a wife. Genesis, the Song of Solomon, and Paul's letters all speak to it, and Hebrews 13:4 says the marriage bed should be honored and kept pure.

Is everything allowed in the marriage bed?

Ask three questions: does it break a clear command of Scripture, does it violate either spouse's conscience, and does it break the law? Within those boundaries, couples have freedom, and nothing should be pressured.

How should Christian parents talk to their kids about sex?

Start early with age-appropriate conversations about how God made their bodies. Teach the "do" of God's design along with the "don't," and make it safe for kids to ask questions.

Can God heal sexual brokenness from my past?

Yes. God forgives and heals, and He can give you a clean slate. Talk honestly with your spouse. If past hurt is still affecting your marriage, you don't have to carry it alone. Reach out to a pastor, or call Heritage Counseling at 815-577-8970 and press 1 for intake.